Eulogy for

Pamela M. Brown

by her son, Arlander

Saturday 20 August 2011

New York City

My mother, Pam, was an amazing person! The way she faced life will always humble me. The simplest things in life could bring her such joy, and she knew how to share this joy. Every time she saw a humming bird in Rhode Island, the next time we spoke she described in great detail these magnificent little creatures. It took ten years of diligently filling humming bird feeders before the first one arrived at her house. But once they did, they made her so happy. Her exuberance - for something so small - quickly spread to me, and before I knew it I actually became excited and looked forward to these sightings as much as her. So whether it was a humming bird, the antics of Hudson and Henrietta, or a beautiful sunset, my mother could take her joy in these things and share it with all of us.

I am blessed to know many amazing and wonderful people, yet my mother out shined them all. She was a special person: kind, caring, generous, beautiful, funny and above all accepting. One of the hardest things in life to do is not to judge other people, and Pam excelled in this. My mother always looked for the good in others, and encouraged my sister and me to do likewise. Whether we were dealing with Tex, the homeless man who swept the streets while getting drunk, or the punk rocker with a purple Mohawk who slept in his car, my mom always had kind words, a couple of dollars, or some food. She never once spoke down to them. She greeted all people with respect, and taught Pamela and me to do the same, making sure we took the time to say good morning to these people whom much of society shunned.

I believe this trait of looking for the good in people and not judging them allowed my mother to have so many wonderful friends from all different walks of life. Friends who rallied around her these last few years to help her battle her illness. Friends who didn't need to be asked but volunteered. It broke my heart that I could not be there for her when she really needed me because she has always been there for me, but I took comfort in the fact that so many people were helping her along. So, thank you and know that I will always be in your debt.

Pam loved me unconditionally, but I didn't make it easy. Through all my mistakes she never once gave up on me. Her faith in me has allowed me to endure my time in prison, and her faith in me will allow me to become the man she knew I could be. More than anything, I wanted to make it home so she could see me do right and make something of my life, and although she won't have this chance, it will be because of her when I do make good.

I was blessed to have her for a mother. We were all blessed for having known her. She was a remarkable woman who will not be forgotten. So, remember her, not in sadness, but how she would want to be remembered, in happiness.

I will always love you, Mom, and you will always bring a smile to my face. How could you not love a woman who leaves instructions for the dog and cat to stay together!